A world of Darkness

Trying to explain how it feels to lose a child is not something I can put to words which is why a photo is giving me guidance. My world is different. I don’t know the days of the week. I don’t want to get dressed, I don’t want to be home, but I don’t want to be around others. I am not sad. I am not happy. I am not myself. I go to the store and it feels like an out of body experience. I know I walk in, I pay, I have items, but it’s all a blur. It’s like there is a dark tunnel or fun house I live in, but there is no way out.

Other times, I am productive, optimistic and want to be around the joy I once knew. I write pithy prose but it’s not real, it’s just to complete assignments. I don’t want sympathy, the words make it worse. When Elijah was in ma-dark_world-1456179y arms, taking his last breath, the doctor told me his lifeless body may release bodily fluids. I asked if I could pray before she placed a stethoscope to his chest. She gave me that time, but I wanted it to be me. Elijah was a sweet boy. He was my whole world and he taught me how to love, real love, not the “I ♥ U” rubbish we all profess.

The world is dark. I’m in the darkness even though there is light. The darkness feels not real, but I know that when I am ready to deal with reality, it will leave and slowly I will build myself up. Today though, I find safety in the dark, foggy, surreal world.

What is Nutella? And Why is it so Delicious?

Nutella is the brand name of an Italian hazelnut chocolate spread. Buyer beware, this is more of a dessert item and not a nutrutional food item.

An April 2012 lawsuit demanded that the manufacturer, Ferro, rebrand their product. Turns out the courts agreed with a US mom and Nutella would no longer be advertised in the US as part of a healthy diet item. I agree with the court because eating Nutella is as nutritionally sound as eating a candy bar!

And my, aren’t candy bars delicious?!

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Image courtesy of 52kitchenadventures

I personally love Nutella on crepes and on ice cream! You can eat it plain, or put it in recipes for cookies, cakes and frostings.

This holiday season, try and out and give me a full report! I am looking forward to trying some or your recipie finds!

-ck

Healthy way to eat out

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Some tips on choosing a healthy way to eat:
1. Choose water with lemon over anything to drink
2. Choose something you like but not too fattening such as a beautiful turkey, bacon and pesto sandwich shown above. It’s not the best healthy but it’s better than what I normally get when I go out to eat.
3. When they ask you what you want for a side choose fruit or salad. As shown in the picture above I chose fruit instead of fries.
4. Eat in moderation.
5. If you want dessert don’t have a big portion of food, save some room for a nice dessert of your like.
You can eat anything you just have to know when to stop.
The reason I bring this to mind is because it’s important for others to know being healthy is something that you should be aware of while you are young. I’m finally seeing that choosing healthy things & exercising makes you feel 100% more better. The past couple months I’ve been eating the wrong foods & too much of it. Your food choices each day affect your health. Good nutrition is an important part of leading a healthy lifestyle. Combined with physical activity, your diet can help you to reach and maintain a healthy weight, reduce your risk of chronic diseases (like heart disease and cancer), and promote your overall health.
-Katherine Alviso

Labeled, Finally!

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I have finally received my badge of honor and with it, the required grain of salt.  Readers and scrollers, I am now an A D O P T I V E   P A R E N T ! !

My new label comes with the grain of salt because of the following list of questions/phrases I am now privy to:

1.  What did her parents do to lose her?

Well, let’s start with you.  How about you tell me the most awful things about YOUR past while we wait in line at Walmart.  We have plenty of time and audience.

2.  I could never give my child away.

Funny story…her parents didn’t give her away either.  The rest of the story is none of your business, but I will confuse you by saying that her parents love her just as much as we do.  Toss that around in your head for awhile.

3.  Are you going to close the adoption now that it is final?

Cut off the parents who gave her life, so that mine will run smoother?  Um…no, not really.  Let’s just assume that I know what I’m doing in this department.

4.  Are you going to change her name?

This one isn’t as inflammatory as the rest.  I do know, from my own research, that the adoption community is split down the middle on this one.  I will say that the name you hear us call her is her name.  And no, I won’t tell you her “real” name.  Really?

5.  *my personal favorite* Now that she is adopted, will you be changing her birthday?

Yes.  Absolutely.  I think we will make it the 32nd of January.  Has a nice ring to it.

 

So there you are, the list of things that I now get to come up with socially acceptable and not-quite-so-smart-aleck responses to. 

Any adoptive parents out there who would like to add to my list?  There has to be some that you have heard.  If not, there has to be inquisive folks who have some adoption questions they just HAVE to ask.  Come on, we’ll be nice, I promise…

Even Bigger,

Savannah Smiles

 

The uber cute picture was stolen from the link below; please visit and check out some more amazing stuff!

http://genuinehappiness.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/despicable-me-high-def-images-of-agnes-my-fav-character/

Rainy Days

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Its autumn, which means my favorite weather is here: rainy, cold, dreary weather.  I love curling up with a good book when the sky is overcast. I love an excuse to relax in my bed and watch all of the Harry Potter movies. I love thee feeling of being chilly and warming up with a steaming, hot mug of tea. I love sitting outside under the patio cover, snuggled in my thick coat and watching the rain fall. I love watching the small sparrows that live in our neighborhood splash in the forming puddles. I love falling asleep to the sound of the trees swaying, the wind whistling and the rain splattering on my window. I love waking up and seeing the fog drift in on my street. I love seeing the reflections the pools of water reflect from the lampposts from above.

I love this weather. Can’t wait to finally experience it after a long summer.

*I do not own this photo

Male Privilege

The other day I had an insight into male privilege. I was standing in the parking lot where I park for work, when I made eye contact with a woman about a hundred feet away. I held her gaze because I wasn’t attracted and so felt no anxiety. Then I thought about what it would have been like for the woman. Even if I didn’t think she was attractive, plenty of men would have. Had I been her, I probably would have felt anxiety. Even if I was a woman making eye-contact with the sexiest man alive, I still wouldn’t know he wasn’t a serial killer or a rapist. Plenty of prisoners are handsome.

If I was a woman I would probably be very careful about looking at people, but mostly men. You never can tell which guy is going to whistle or shout or approach or harass. Because we all look alike. After this realization, which only took 26 years to occur to me, I started looking at women I walked by for confirmation of my hypothesis. Thinking that perhaps women were actually anxious about looking at me made me considerably less anxious about looking at them. I searched the faces of several women. I looked at the woman at the bank in her car at night and she waited until I’d used the ATM and gotten back into my car to go and use the ATM herself. I may have threatened her with my gaze alone. Most of the women at Trader Joe’s occupied themselves with their grocery related tasks, an act which I now think might be partly a result of a need to insulate themselves from possible male attention. Interestingly, younger teenage girls, about twelve to fifteen, don’t avoid eye-contact, but are instead much more likely to look at me and other men. Perhaps they have yet to be burned by the repercussions of their gaze.

Though I now feel bad for women having to avoid male attention so much, I must say that this finding has had a considerably positive effect on me. I’m now a lot less self-conscious about being around women. I no longer worry that they will judge me unattractive. They probably won’t judge me at all, or will at least try not to notice me. When I have to stand near them in a store to get whatever item I want, I’m no longer concerned that they might think me ugly. I’m now concerned that they might think me predatory, and this is a judgement I am much more comfortable with, since I have no doubts about whether or not I’m a predator of women.

This has been Charlie McCormick.

Against My Better Judgement

This week, against my better judgement, I read a horror story.

Image courtesy of PetaPixel

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For those of you that don’t know me personally, I am a big wimp when it comes to scary stories, movies and even music. I don’t like haunted houses, I close my eyes during scary previews at the movies and I flip the channel if something scary pops up on the tv.

But for some unexplained reason, I have a fascination with reading online spoilers for horror movies. A few years ago, I made the mistake of reading the spoiler for Human Centipede and it made me sick to my stomach for a few weeks. Ugh!

So of course, when I was reading my daily blogs this week I was attracted to the winner of this year’s International One-Minute Film Festival, Filminute. The scary movie was inspired by a short (a few lines!) horror story.

Well, I did what I usually do: make one good choice and one bad one. I did not watch the one minute movie, but against my better judgement, I clicked over and read the short story.

Yes my friends, the power of imagination coupled with a few well crafted sentences terrified me. And I’ve been checking under my daughter’s bed each night since then.

Happy reading, and don’t say I didn’t warn you!

ck