Call It What It Is

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He has more nicknames than a kid named after his father and four uncles.

He doesn’t care what you call him.

He would prefer a cute nickname so he can come back soon.

He hangs out as long as you let him.

He is like the man that spins straw into gold.

He doesn’t like one thing.

He doesn’t like his name.

He doesn’t like it when you identify who he is.

He doesn’t like when you work at making him disappear.

He is ugly.

He is selfish.

He is wicked.

He is Depression and I am calling him out.

Soon enough,

Savannah Smiles

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4 thoughts on “Call It What It Is

  1. Great job. I enjoyed this poem a lot. I like that you took a real life feeling that many struggle with and applied it to a fairy story. I feel that a lot of fairy stories have morals … so maybe you’re trying to teach me about the nature of the evil?

    One of the bits of feedback I got from the instructor while in CW was from a poem I wrote that had a similar style.

    Here is the same feedback for your poem:

    (1) How about condensing some lines? It would make your work tigher, and stronger. Example:
    He is ugly.
    selfish.
    wicked.
    I understand that your are using repition in your work, but eliminating some of the lines in such a way will keep your reader going through the work more smoothly.

    (2) The line, ‘He hangs out as long as you let him” is very powerful to me. Would capitalizing the Y in you, or making the word in all caps make the work stronger?

    (3) I like how you used the fairy tale aspect of the story … but to me, the selected fairy tale is more about greed and lies instead of depression. The woman didn’t get depressed until AFTER she and her father LIED to the king that she could spin straw into gold.

    Great work!

    ck

    PS Our blog is now LIVE! housekelley.blogspot.com is now LIVE and we will post our first challenge 1/1/15.

    Like

  2. Thanks for the feedback. It wasn’t actually a poem though, it was just a rambling of a depressed day for me. I guess it does look like a poem now that I look at it a little harder. For someone that started the semester not wanting to write poetry, this is an odd occurance.
    I will follow you!
    Thanks for the comment!
    Savannah Smiles

    Like

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